Why was Oedipus against profanity?
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.
I’m getting really tired of these motherfucking jokes.
girl: spank me daddy
me: I am not ready to be a father
please no halloween posts just yet. there’s still 2 months left
did someone say halloween
interviewer: describe yourself in 4 words
me: automatic, supersonic, hypnotic, funky-fresh
If you’d rather go to a club than a museum, you deserve to be unhappy.
museum? what the fuck is in a museum? they got bitches in museums? alive bitches?
i want someone who will sit on a rooftop with me at 3 am and shave their head while i shave my head and then hotglue the hair to the roof so the roof will have hair
my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night